Thats a good way to network and see different tasks / roles / skills, to check out things you might want to do. 13! 13 years, I expected her to say something like 3 years. And now, as I look at my estimated retirement benefits, and take off basically any time I want to, and see how much my friends are paying to insure their families, I am so grateful that I stayed where I am. The OP has 13 years before s/he can start drawing the annuity, and its unlikely that by the time it has to be paid out that the money will be there. But it sounds more like youre miserable and trying to do whats best for the family over your own needs. I might commit suicide before then. It hasnt helped much so far, though. This was my thought. I will probably be crushed by a huge truck soon. 19 Signs Your Work Environment Is Toxic - Bustle I've been here for 2 years now, and generally my bosses can be very toxic/unprofessional, and I've been thinking about leaving for a while. The difference between my excellent insurance and my husbands good insurance is notable, and given that many providers limit their patient base to customers of certain insurers, and even certain plans, even with a higher salary you cant always buy your way to better care. Hi everyone! 15 Safe Steps To Quit A Toxic Job (without Drama) | Office Topics If you were 3-5 years out from retirement, Id say maybe stick with it, but in your case I would at least look around and see what else is out there. I dont know how long Ill stay here, maybe another 6 months to a year. As bleak as it may look, its also possible that things can change. When your job is toxic, it can feel like you're fighting off a wild tiger at your desk. I vote for getting REALLY creative about reframing, while you are still in the job. Very good points. I work night shifts and while it works perfectly for me, due to it and school there have been timed I haven't gone home. I wouldnt underestimate this portion of the calculation. Maybe, maybe not. Retiring at 55, unless it includes health insurance, is not as helpful as it sounds. Being a hermit with a partner who is similar helped a lot. I loved some of the most boring jobs ever because it freed me up to do amazing creative stuff outside of the office. Sympathy OP. OP, I make the same calculation on a weekly basis. If someone would hire me at my age to do what I do (and I love what I do, when theres work!) Youre stressed and irritable on Sunday night. Dont let it trick you. (Some government jobs with which Im familiar do for example, you can take leave without pay of up to one year once in your career.). The only reason I did not was because I knew I COULD. But Emily Morse, a sex educator, believes one roadblock tends to loom larger than the others. But working for his abusive, unsupportive boss going on 20 years had taken a mental health toll he knew he was explaining way. There is definitely something to be said for a great work/life balance with good benefits, if you can stick it out. If you stay, the cost could be your health. Like, do the health benefits allow you to not stress about possible health crises? Ive been in the opposite of your situation twice*really ridiculously cool work that was extremely fast-paced that I excelled in and management publicly praised my work. Do any other employers in your area have good pension plans? If he hits you, just deal with it. Im myself for the first time in decades. If you had asked me 2 years ago I had the same framing youre describing. No solutions, just wanted to let you know youre not alone in your dilemma! Much dissatisfaction is in our own heads, and we can change that. What I would ask is how old are your kids? And could affect your children and spouse because youre not you. I have been wanting to start looking for a new job, but I have only been in this position for over a year. Or is it that its a matter of reframing the entire situation? If it werent for the guaranteed stability and set retirement date, I dont think hed stay. It takes all weekend to recover from the work week. Personally, Id leave, but thats neither here not there. You know how many people are underutilized and bored at work with *low* pay and little time off? I used my downtime on Lynda.com (through the employer) to pick up Excel and Access skills, which benefited both my current employer and my own toolbox. This is an element of the sitcom, Speechless, you know its a reality when its written into the family plotline on a sitcom as a point of reality. Also, since its the largest employer in the region, I wonder whether there might be internal transfers that could be a good option keep the pay, seniority, retirement benefits, etc. By Brian de Haaff, Co-founder and CEO, Aha! It makes it easy to work on them at home or at work. Forget the weekendyou dream about a permanent break from work. That was a false notion built on the idea that pay and benefits should buy me tolerating abuse. Every Friday night I typed into a Word document all the horrible things she did and the way I felt about them. Because I swear I nearly wrote an almost-identical letter to Alison about two hours ago. A lot of people are saying, Well, the mediocre job lets you have lots and lots of family time!, but if it is indeed making you so grumpy and/or disconsolate that youre not fully enjoying family time, then its not really worth it after all. Thats why they call good pension plans Golden Handcuffs, At its worst a soul-crushing job can be like an abusive relationship. Nov 18, 2019 -- For a long time, I didn't know my job. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. Quitting my job and prioritizing a working life in the arts has completely shifted my relationship to money. At the very least, Id start looking around and thinking about it. Good luck! I did this in my last job with the golden handcuffs. The morale is terrible at work and I feel like this job is destroying my self-confidence and sucking the life out of me. Afterwards I went on to something much better! Reddit, Inc. 2023. Dont normalize it. Furthermore, stress levels are often amplified when someone's job eats into their personal time with friends and family. Thats so rare nowadays. If you decide to stay at your job, you will need a major attitude adjustment, so that you can view it as just a way to get money, and possibly other work (paid or not) to get the validation that you should be getting from your job. SO is in a similar situation, but far closer to retirement and protected by a union, no chance of a layoff. If it takes care of my family, thats the top priority, full stop. If you do end up leaving, most likely, you can take the cash out of your pension and roll it into another retirement account. @ bdehaaff Getty. Unfortunately, I was baited into a part-time job that turned out to be full time, so now I have no time for my side business and Im thinking of giving up on it, and Im pretty depressed about that. Money Cannot Fix a Toxic Workplace, But This Can -- According to Research Studies show that nonfinancial perks can have a huge impact. If OP has, or has a family history of, a serious health condition, the difference between middling and platinum level health insurance is amazing. So I tried to use that to not fear losing the job because its not necessarily a bad thing. With adequate rest and perhaps a different perspective on our work, we can recover from burnout and stay in the same position. This is actually a decision I had to makeI had a job with good pay, great vacation/sick policy, and I was absolutely miserable because I was extremely under-utilized and depressed. I dont know, but a friend of mine has been in a verbally (at least, Im not too sure if its physical) relationship for 30+ years and he always has a much better job than she does and shes usually only able to get crap temp secretarial jobs with no insurance. Having that end date in sight will make it more tolerable. When I was working for the most horrible person I ever met and was pretty sure my friends didnt want to hear about her anymore, I vented into my computer. For example, maybe your current job doesnt allow you to express your creativity, or youre entrepreneurial at heart and find your 9-to-5 job deadening. When I used to work in a busier job, breaks were definitely for resting, but in a slower-paced role it may be that the break can be used to burn off excess energy. Do some research and ask yourself if all the defined-benefit plans actually paid out what they are promising, would the USA still be solvent? Its one thing if youre unfulfilled/bored at work and weighing the pros & cons of moving on. On Friday and Saturday nights you can push work out of your mind, but by Sunday you can no longer deny that its coming. Find out what is really making you unhappy your job or your career. 5. There is no going back now because I was not employed on the effective date they closed it. Do you make tons of money but have to work such long hours you never see your family? Like with retirement, are you vested in the state retirement system? 6. Maybe you get as far as getting dressed and having breakfast, but then the thought of driving to work makes you sick to your stomach. And to play complete devils advocate to myself, nothing wrong with staying in a job for the money. A friend of mine has written two novels during her work downtime! I'm looking for some advice on dealing with my current job, which is my first out of college. While I was gone, they retroactively closed the pension plan. I agree as an outsider it seems that OP has some great perks that need to be factored in when making any decisions. Copyright 2007 - 2023 Ask A Manager. I worked at the latter. (Its also possible but Im REALLY grasping for straws here that you were involuntarily transitioned out of a management-track position. Its entirely possible things could change for the better. If your experience is likely to just land you another similar job, but with worse benefits, Id say its better to stay and try to develop good coping strategies. With that context, Id take my current situation any day. You fantasize about retirementwhich might be decades away. At the very least, your kids would be in high school at that point, and then off to college, and you may not see them as much as you think you would if you retire. When you get into a pattern of looking at the negative, sometimes its hard to regain perspective and see any of the positive. There are generally ethics codes that prevent you from writing a book or working on any substantial personal or professional project thats unrelated to state service. Large employer, small town, unable to movethis sounds so familiar. Can you stay with the employer, but find a new team? You might even start planning your retirement, or thinking about ways to get rich so you no longer have to work. It sounds like it is already. I also have significant flexibility with my hours which allows me to pick up my elementary age kids from school, attend school events during the day, etc. I thought about looking elsewhere but like you the pay is okay, the benefits are outstanding, the time off (vacation, sick time and holidays) is almost unheard of anywhere else, and it is a union-protected job with state retirement and a public employees retirement system. It does matter how much you can afford and absorb financially to change. The Surgeon General came up with this framework after some grim statistics came from the pandemic: 76% of U.S. workers reported at least one mental health condition symptom in 2021, which was up . Thats what I get for trying to do maths first thing in the am after not enough sleep! Plus, unfair though it may be, the closer you get to retirement age, the harder it can be to find a new position. Its great they get lots of time with you but are you at your best? Is Your Job Toxic (or Do You Just Hate It)? - Lifehacker Hello, OP You describe your organization as a chaotic mess. All rights reserved. I had all the different races, their characteristics, how much of the population in hundreds of cities was each race, diseases, wars, magical disasters caused by mana concentration from uncontrolled magical individuals in locations which culturally did not allow them to be trained what percentage of half-dwarf males are Chosen by the God of Thieves? The advice downthread about reframing the job and just seeing it as a means to finance the rest of your life is excellent. Then I was laid off. I would stay and save as much money as I could. BUT I am a lot happier because two of my three life sections are going great. Seriously, stop shaming others for not having bad enough problems. If I dont leave soon I wont be able to. How Stepping Outside Could Change Your Day, 8 Signs Your Job May Be Toxic for Your Mental Health. One of the reasons I remained in an unfulfilling career for so long was because I truly had begun to believe that I was the problem. Sometimes I have to chant to myself its just work. Oh wow, in so many ways I could have written this my job also has great pay, decent benefits, my own office, free snacks and drinks, a catered meal once a weekbut I feel invisible and undervalued and unappreciated, Im usually the last one they think of when theres a new project to work on, my boss is a great tech manager but a horrible people manager (he actually commented on my first performance review that I came to him too much to ask for things to do), and my coworkers are mostly a bunch of man-children. Also, if possible, talk with a financial expert to see what can be done, if you do get another job, to see if early retirement is/could be an option for you. Choice is a luxury that a lot of people dont have, but the mere fact of having a family doesnt automatically rule it out. But it wouldnt hurt to look around and make sure thats true because if youre able to find something that gets pretty close, presumably that would change your calculation significantly. This resonates with me a lot. Id say look, BUTmaybe Im reading too far into this, but it seems like you hate your job, which bled over into hating your company. And if they were to eliminate it, thered be severance. Our kids have very close relationships with all of their grandparents; the grandparents can easily attend school and sporting events; and the grandparents provide all of our childcare. We dont get vested until year 5. I was so oddly specialized that getting out meant going back to school. This so much. Some people can stick with the job just for the benefits alone and are perfectly happy to only do what is put in front of them. How have you dealt with a toxic but well-paying job? Sounds kinda like Dwarf Fortress, but even more hardcore :). Few employers are going to be as laissez-faire as my first example above, but it might be worth asking colleagues how they handle it, to get a feel for the culture of whats acceptable. But please be kind to yourself and believe that you deserve to be happy in your work. Working on my professionalism changed my focus and made the situation more bearable. My compromise with myself has been to look for other jobs but be really, really picky. The other option might be less flexible, but if the end result is that youre happier when youre with your family, wouldnt it be worth it? Now I dont supervise anyone and my projects are much smaller. Current job has toxic people but pays well.. : jobs - Reddit If there are certificates available in the skills, get them. Are you *sure* there are no internal moves available that might be a bit more rewarding day to day while keeping the benefits? someone you can vent to Venting is good, but it can spiral to negativity and resentment. +1000000 to looking into whether you can work from home. Its hard to feel positive emotions at work. If yes, could you get yourself trained to do the kind of work they need? Also as they age it will be easier to help them stay in their homes longer as we will be close by to assist them. I work in higher ed and my schedule alternates between being super busy to not sure what to do with my time. tl;dr only you can make this decision, but in some ways I have been where you are and I really sympathize! It might make sense to plan for a move when your kids get to the next stage. To a point that is a legitimate concern, but some people are paid to know things rather than to do things. What To Do if You Hate Your Job but It Pays Well: 5 Tips I had a horrible amount of downtime at my current job and used it to do online coursework towards my Masters Degree. Yes, this. Keep in mind, that a happy parent is good for the whole family, and an unhappy parent can trickle down in ways you might not realize. Right now I range between 6-7.5, with the occasional 4 hour night, and even that seems like Im prioritizing sleep since I get up, go to work, come home and go to sleep early, and I still cant block off a full 8 hours. CEO freaked out when a new hire quit, brilliant employee is horribly inappropriate, and more, updates: stopping a nickname, taking over a deceased coworkers office, and more, update: our new admin crashed the company car and lied about it, my coworker keeps asking me for personal favors. how can I avoid talking shop outside of work? Id keep the job and invest in hobbies and volunteer activities that are fulfilling. But I get paid a lot, dont have much stress that needs to extend beyond working hours, and have a very flexible schedule. Hi OP, are you me? Sometimes you can decide that youre just going to see your job as a job, that youre being paid to be there and do the work youre assigned rather than investing any more deeply than that. The OP doesnt mention serious conflicts with coworkers. It sounds like your job gives you plenty of opportunity and time to pursue interests outside of work. I know this situation well. I have a very high tolerance for jerks, but I still feel stressed and annoyed every day. Thats a luxury few have. Whatever you spend your time doing, you deserve to be happy doing it. Although if there are lots of firings and reorganizations, you could get caught in them too. OTOH, Ive also left good jobs that were quite survivable bc they were ultimately bringing me down and making me miserable. My answer to these types of questions is also normally when a job is destroying your self-confidence and sucking the life out of you, its time to go but its also true that sometimes there are ways to mentally reframe things for yourself so thats not happening. Hmmm I am 0 for 3 on this list. OP, if I were you, I would start a job search but be picky only apply to jobs that seem like they will work well with your family situation. Whatever works as a treat $5 toward a splurge item, a fancy coffee, a snack you dont normally get. I have something like it, and I think it should be a factor in your decision. 9 signs you need to quit your job for the sake of your mental health I was previously in a management position and was hired in my current job as an administrator. and our Also consider a short term exit plan that allows you time to hard core set yourselves up monetarily, or educationally, that you can take the pay cut/career change necessary when you do leave. The key in your case, and in the OPs, is that youre only just starting. I think going knees deep in editing the layout of the website might be more difficult. Jun 26, 2019,01:20pm EDT Share to Facebook Share to Twitter Share to. Perhaps the most telling sign that your job is toxic is that its changing you in ways you dont like. Reframing it so that I am telling myself I am choosing to stay because of the pay, benefit, and flexibility is helpful. This is the same as saying that you cant complain about anything because someone else always has it worse. Is it really meh, though? (My primary school was very intense on the multiplication tables). But youre saying youre miserable and its affecting your mental health. But ask your benefits office to be sure every state is different, and the rules may be different depending on when you first became a state employee, what kind of pension plan you have (if it IS a pension plan vs. a retirement account), and so on. I have had this fear also and something that helps me a bit was this: (raises hand). I typically have low-wage, uneducated type of jobs, so Ive never had one that I didnt feel horrible about in some way. Hes committed to doing his job well but is mentally detached from the organization. This seems like a great option to me and a good way to frame going forward if you decide this just isnt going to continue to work for you because youre so unhappy. You dont want to do something successful that then transfers ownership to your employer. You may find yourself becoming withdrawn, bitter, self-focused, and cynical. The constant reorgs and leadership changes + not a lot to do makes me worry about stability too. You can begin building a side hustle or consulting business in the next few years with little financial risk. Ive seen people hate their jobs for 30 years and they are not fun to be around. What other employers are on this state retirement system? Something clicked and now Im able to frame the political posturing as just part of a process to work through. It is perfectly OK to work for something that, at the time, is more important than your pay/benefits. If you're really unhappy at work, look for the following signs that your job is toxic for your mental health. Thats what stuck out to me. They gave me 6 months warning, and I think I spent a year waiting for openings and applying for transfers to try and keep my benefits. I dont think tolerating this for 13 more years is either realistic or worth it. Good luck to you either way! Do not consider WebMD Blogs as medical advice. *If* you choose to stay, it looks like learning new skills with the down time would be especially helpful and maybe see if you can liaison with other depts on projects that touch on your department? Many moons ago, probably 360, I read an article about a study focusing on job satisfaction. So Ive finally come to the conclusion that I need to start looking, though I think I will wait until I come back from an upcoming trip, just so Im not juggling interviews or trying to deal with taking a vacation right after I start a new job. OP: Consult with your benefits person. Yeah, honestly, just examining the other options (even if only in your head) and actually choosing to stay helped me a lot when my job was feeling frustrating or stressful or confining. Thats easier said than done, but when you can pull it off, it can be a pretty powerful change. But mentally reframing it as Im doing this meh thing for 40 hours a week because it lets the other 128 hours be awesome can sometimes really help make things a lot more bearable. Have you ever had a job that was emotionally draining on you - Quora It was a cool little world, though. I have less responsibility, specialized duty, and challenge in this position than I had in my first job out of college which means that, no matter how hard I spin it, all my experience that potential employers care about is getting further back. The crap-to-money ratio is different for every person, and its not about the objective amount of money or the objective amount of crap so much as the relationship between them and how each factor is affecting your life. I got paid hardly at all because of that (obvs), but I had time to do side work that actually meant something to me. You do have to be really careful with this. Youre currently employed, no matter how much you hate the place, so take your time, do as much research as you can into the companies you interview with, and find the right place. This LW sounds like shes at the end of her rope and doesnt have another 13 years of this job left in her. I am just not being utilized as one. This Is What Happens to Your Body When You Hate Your Job Certain things had to take priority obviously guests had to be greeted, phones had to be answered, certain daily tasks that fell to reception had to be done, random projects that got passed along sporadically too. Truth be told, Ive mostly stayed as long as I have because I love having my own office, but Im finally starting to get to the point where Im not sure thats enough to outweigh the crappy parts. 6 hours a night is still 42 hours per week. But are there ways you can pick up some additional skills, preferably on your employers dime? Your boss probably annoys you; your co-workers might talk all day, every day; and you've probably picked up someone else's slack more times than you'd like to admit. When I was a receptionist, it could have been feasible some of the time. Hope youre able to run it out before they go crashy-crashy. Nice! On piece of advice if you do decide to leave: dont take a vague money isnt everything approach, take a good look at your finances and make a list of the things that you will have to do without and the changes you will have to make. There is also no shame in moving on, if the awfulness in the job outweighs other considerations. For example, a co-worker who doesnt want you to leave is likely to give you biased feedback. Cookie Notice He decided to start testing the waters a couple years ago. By high school there arent many daytime events, and you might not even need to pick them up if they can ride the bus home and stay by themselves and then drive home. Is there a project you could do in the downtime? but move to a group thats less of a hot mess. Ive been in both situations as well, and I think the key is to figure out what you really want. That pension benefit is not real. at my age, I would probably have to move. Anyone contemplating doing this should read this letter. I have a life long hobby that I do in my down time, but I find that I resent having to go to my soul sucking job still. You are staying because you have decided that the benefits outweigh the costs, and that calculation can change at any time. Some can detach but others who are naturally emotional cant do so without shutting off essential parts that also make you a strong affectionate parent or partner. Working with a cause can put some wind in your sails, even its just an hour or two a week. It doesnt make me say things like my self-confidence is being destroyed or the life is being sucked out of me. Striking a work/life balance with young kids is so hard. 13 years is a really, really long time when you are unhappy. Look for your next job carefully and deliberately now, and plan on being in that next job by January 2021. I wish I did it earlier. When I actually have work related to what I was hired to do, I enjoy the work. especially if my workload was so meh. If its affecting your mental health to the point its damaging your family relationships, theres no amount of money worth that. Do you want them to grow up to sacrifice their professional achievements and work in your conditions? Size things up. I would *love* to be able to retire with a pension in 13 years (at 60ish), so Im a little biased towards stay. But if you stay, focus on becoming ready to leave look for some skills / certification that you can use in your existing job or one thats of interest to you. Ive also had much more interesting jobs that took up much more of my time and mental capacity, and paid worse. The way I approached mine was to look at any trends I could find what is my industry doing, what is my company doing inside that industry (tech manufacturing).
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