Dont worry life has a way of knocking you down sooner or later itll probably be a pretty humbling experience when it happens. Repeat after me diversity is good. Im in my mid 20s and live in FL and find myself with the same problem. Just because someone is struggling with a personal issue, doesnt mean they arent worthy of love or that they cant be a great partner; they just arent the best person for you right now. Are there people there who dont fit those molds? Its crucial to keep an open mind! (Not so much her holier than thou tone but). I am an east coast gal living in the west so I can appreciate the differences. That lack of respect then turned into resentment, and today we are no longer friends. Narcissistic trauma bonding begins with being showered with intense love and approval, but then the positive/negative ratio subtly shifts. its not just the way she wrote that portion of the letter either, it was that combined with everything. iwannatalktosampson The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Some people take longer to open up and the superficial boy crazy whores are just putting up a barrier. June 28, 2012, 12:40 pm. I have friends with whom I can have long, intense, intelligent conversations. I thought that too! Oh, some more practical advice LW, if you really are sad about this . And I did grow up in quite an intellectual environment, and sure I do love having such conversations, but I cannot stand to surround myself with people who are all like me. June 28, 2012, 2:06 pm. I think the LWs real problem is not that simple, though. Or, maybe you just need to listen to your heart and take a break to work on yourself for a while first. Also, if youve been in a relationship for 5 years then your SO must provide some kind of intellectual stimulation for you, right? Forever. Find something you like about the place, and maybe itll make it easier to find something you like about the people. Your inner child becomes anxious, depressed, or angry when you ignore them, and this self-rejection will lower your frequency. Dont expect anything less for yourself than the partner and relationship that you truly want. Just to add, I don't have a problem with being someone's only friend or being friends with someone that doesn't have many friends. Were in wolf territory with this one. Sure, sometimes it wont work out, but sometimes, you may discover new depths to a person. I am willing to bet that she could meet 10 deep people in a week just by doing a different thing every night. June 28, 2012, 12:16 pm. Youve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. Here people are physically healthier which fits with my current lifestyle but I enjoy hanging and talking with my (more intellectual) east coast high school buddies more. But shes a sweet person, and we get along well. Unfortunately, though, Myndi was less than successful at first as she related, I tried to break ties from her at three times only to be dragged in by guilt and reminiscence of the good times that wed had. Narcissists crave attention and they become masters at reading others needs so that they can put themselves in a position to be seen as the best person to have around. LadyinPurpleNotRed Therefore, it was really hard for me to bother making friends. Its not wrong to cut away people that make you unhappy, but its wrong to stop trying after you have. All matter is made up of energy, including human beings, and we send signals out into the world via our energy. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved. I nodded, suddenly craving a cigarettewith a violent desire I didn't even know I had. You know it takes a long time to develop the type of friendship that comes from knowing someone a long time. If you can enjoy that from time to time, keep those friends around for a fun Saturday night out. Return to serious and sensitive commentary. The Valley Girls sounded like idiots but totally knew what they were talking abouttotally, for sure. Their glass is always half-empty. Ill be blunt here. Disagree. But why do you always seem to end up with people like this and is it more to do with you than it is to do with them? Flashback to 1997 over now. Good luck with easing off the contact. Your energy vibratesmeaning, it comes to lifein response to a combination of mental, emotional, and physical stimuli. It happens, which is why we have so many break-ups, separations and divorces. June 28, 2012, 10:39 am. Her friends. You may not consider yourself broken in the same way, but youre still looking for someone to complete you just like they are, rather than finding someone who can share and encourage everything you are already. I dont mind the occasional party and I like to be a bit on the wild side, while one of my best friends has never been drunk in her life and is saving herself for marriage. After all, aren't we direct reflections of who we date?". Go to college. I mention those things because I was the same way. A good place to get professional help is the website BetterHelp.com here, youll be able to connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message. Great comment Kristina. Think hard about whether youre really ready for the commitment and work a relationship takes and if you actually want that for yourself at this point in your life. Why Dont We Run Before Were In Too Deep? The snob. Dont you think that mayyybe they werent just shallow party girls/boys? I make friends fairly easily, but cant manage a whole lot of them, so as soon as my quota (I dont have a number or anything) is reached, its really hard for people to make friends with me because I become a lot more choosy. I agree with everything you said, especially the last part because I have friends who are still living the young life (however you want to put it) so we see each other way, way less because we just arent doing the same things, but still love each other. Admittedly I dont know much about South Florida. No one likes her and even when they give her a chance, she isnt capable of returning the favor. Likewise, low-frequency people might feel intimidated or threatened by high-frequency people. Relationships are Weird | Psychology Today So we are saying the same thing? I'm not talking about cute, quirky, wild, I-drink-a-little-too-much-and-speak-my-mind, crazy. I clutched my imaginary pearls and looked at her blankly. But I got to know them when I needed friends, so I was able to see what theyre really like and theyre amazing. I'm sure they are lovely. Oh yeah, she defintely is. I shouted into my cellphone to my best friend,Ruba, on a cross-continental call to London. I mean, even the TV shows my 4 year old watches always explain how everybody is different, and how thats a good thing. It sounds to me like she is more mature than most of the people she is coming into contact with. They will have their ups and downs, but they shouldnt be a struggle from day one. I want to break the cycle," I said, staring right at a framed picture of her, an attractive man and an even more attractive dog on her desk. She gives enough background (moved around a lot, idolizes her Boston friends) and clearly explains the mindset that led her to this situation (this realization soon turned into lack of respectlack of respect then turned into resentment, and today we are no longer friends) AND leaves her voice in the letter (which has been described already as pretentious, snooty, arrogant, etc.) Permanent smile from June (this year anyway) until November. Maybe I can change your mind!" You obviously like to party, or else you wouldnt have gotten close with those Florida peeps (sorry, people just didnt sound right in that sentence). by Zara Barrie Aug. 31, 2016 "WHY DO I KEEP ATTRACTING these jobless, wild, drug-addicted people! When its a Hot shirtless man, I picture him and myself having some fun . Heh, the town I grew up in has been given a little nickname in reference to the hard partying ways of the high schoolers. I feel like it is the song Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. You enjoyed spending time with them, so why couldnt you just make more friends who had your interests? Its upsetting to think that some people would exploit a persons kind nature, but if they have had little kindness shown to them, they may not know how to receive it. What is causing this feeling in me when Im with this person? I am a long time FL resident and also this letter really pissed me off and I am going to refrain from commenting further, I will say that she could live in a more party area. Honestly at first I thought maybe she was still a minor. Youre in a long term relationship and feeling more serious about life. What does that say about me? 7 Brilliant Books About Toxic People That Will Explain Everything. Maintaining social. "Do you know why this keeps happening to me?!" And if you truly are that unhappy, move. And Im slightly hungover as well. Each radio and TV station has a different frequency, which is what enables you to tune into what you want. Even if you started the discussion about something going on in your own life, narcissists can hijack the topic and twist it back to their own experiences, opinions, or needs before you pause for a breath. The letter she DID write though, is a lot more nuanced. Love is not just physical. My BF is better at making friends than me, and while I like the people he hangs out with, Im a girls girls, and Ive always needed my own friends. Who knows! One was a book club, and three of my best buds are from that. Ghosting and always being just too busy are highly controversial methods for ending relationships. Maybe he has more ties to the area than she does, or just doesnt want to move for some reason. Well, pretty much all of the experiences Ive had in FL have been bad. Thats what I kept thinking the whole time I was reading the letter and waiting for an explanation as to why she doesnt just go back to Boston! But here in London, a couple months ago I started feeling really down. I mean how can it not be? I suppose I would consider myself artsy and intellectual. However, I have some friends who are more fun types who might not necessarily enjoy discussing art or independent films, etc. What did you see your parents or other caregivers do to avoid their feelings? In my location, there are tons of families and people are settled. Do you genuinely want to help, or deep down are you doing this to make yourself feel better? This is just speculation, but Im guessing that her boyfriend may be the reason she hasnt moved. Letter writer: Im lonely, cant make friends, and generally not happy. My favorite line is that someone who cares about you will never intentionally hurt you. I have lots of sex. This person is depressed. 9 Things That Happen If You Have Weird Friends - The Odyssey Online I receive a commission if you choose to purchase anything after clicking on them. In general though I think people from the south are more friendly than New Englanders so Im actually the opposite of what the LW seems to think. Or man I need to get to the gym and quit eating, look how flat her stomach is! Not every friendship is a healthy friendship. Well, you got one thing right: it is you. All the things that people are geting in knots over that the LW said, are irrational like thinking everyone in the world are weirdos. I completely understand the need for intellectual stimulation, but different friends should meet different needs. I hate to break it you, its called growing up. So when you meet them, and see any similar traits to those people youve rejected, you call the endeavor a failure and go home, feeling helpless, shitty and alone doomed to a life with no friends. Philly people are more likely to boo at you for wearing the wrong shirt somewhere. But even then there are more regional differences. I just tried to cut threw the snotty part and see the real issue. The reason no one can live up to your standards is because youve made it so impossible to be your friend so you dont have to ever go through the pain of losing a friendship again either to a move, lifestyle change, or a friendship breakup. Without realizing, you might be attracting people you know have personal issues that will prevent this relationship from lasting. You arent as great and special as you think right now everyone has their own problems, and a little compassion will others would make you more likely to make some friends. The more you value yourself, the more you know what you deserve from a partner. Now I have the same number of friends, but most dont know each other. As I was reading the letter, all I could think was this person sounds so arrogant and if thats the attitude youre giving off to other people, its not surprising you cant seem to make friends who can satisfy your needs. The next best thing is to implement everything youve learned in this article by yourself. ?" I shouted into my cellphone to my best friend , Ruba, on a cross-continental call to. What have you tried, we havent heard from you on this. Hassidic Jews, Russian mob, Russian non-mob, yuppies, hippies, hipsters, and proud Puerto Ricans all call it home and are damn proud of their spheres.